My Lord and my God, as I read the words of your faithful servant David I can not identify with him. I am not left alone. I thank you for so many dear friends, family and others that I do not know that have expressed their care and concern for me. I do not deserve their love and I know it is because your love is in their hearts. It is the same love you have for me that I do not deserve.
My Father, I humbly ask for healing, not for my sake, but for theirs. May my life be a reason for them to rejoice in you and not a reason for sadness. May they rejoice in your mercy and compassion. May my suffering never be a reason for someone to turn from you or question your goodness.
Your Holy Spirit has settled my heart on the truth that to live is Christ and to die is gain. I do not pray for healing for my sake but for theirs. I ask this in the glorious name of your Son, on whom rests our hope, Amen
People who have cancer often write about the first time they hear the doctor say the word. My journey of being diagnosed was a bit different. During the biopsy of the now 6 cm lymph node in my arm pit, the doctor began asking me if I had recently seen a dermatologist. The on-sight pathologist had told him that the cells in the lymph node were not lymph node cells. I knew the question to ask and he confirmed the results. It was at that point I knew I had a very serious form of cancer that had matasticized and was possibly melanoma cancer. Our suspicions were confirmed three days later when we received the results from my doctor. After the biopsy, I had about an hour to myself. I walked to Subway and had lunch.
I’m not exactly sure what to say about that day. It was such a moment of conflicting emotions. One thing I can say though is that through experience and through the study of scripture I have come to believe that my faith in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit does not have its source in me. This day was no different. In a moment of deep fear, confusion, and sorrow, my heart was still. I quietly shed several tears of sorrow mingled with joy realizing this was now my calling. This was my Father’s perfect will for my life. What was my grief would now be my glory. I thanked God for my food.